I plateaued. The despair did eventually level out. I started to climb. Higher. The top is a very long way away though, but I am climbing. The hole is still deep, but the light at the top is now a little brighter.

The last few weeks have still been challenging. The front is still there. The acting is still strong. But a few little things have happened to stop the decent. That reconnection with old friends, connecting to family again, that little piece of good news at work, that few days away from the epicentre of my life, the chemist actually having all of my medication in one go. Plus some beautiful cats. It's a start. 

I'm trying to not think of things going backwards. The 'it's too good to be true' syndrome. The 'I don't deserve this' and the 'we're just teasing you' narratives. Things aren't going to magically be fab overnight. The road will be long and arduous. I'm just going to make small steps along it for now. Take those little pluses where I can and try to weather the minuses. 

I want to thank all those who have listened to me, talked to me, put up with me, helped me and fed me. Thank you to the cats who stared at me whilst I slept. Thank you to my friend for lending me their car. Thank you to my friend who kept messaging me to make sure I was OK. Thank you to the friend who invited me to stay with them for a few days. Thank you to the friend who, even after a couple for rough years between us, I'm still proud to have as a friend. 

Tomorrow is another day...…...