Time for a happy post. The last 18 months have been mostly doom and gloom, mainly because my life has seemed to lurch from one bad situation to another. These situations have caused me to look ever deeper into myself, my life and those who choose to be in my life. I have made it through, I have kept going and I am still here.

One thing I have learnt is the art of self care. I am the most important person in my life right now, its up to me to make sure I'm happy, contented and sane. Realising this was the game changer for me. Actually concentrating on myself fully and taking control of a situation was the start of the turnaround. Just making sure I took myself out of a very toxic environment and repaired some of the damage caused mentally has got me through another low at the end of 2018.

There were a few highlights last year. One of those was the start of my speech therapy. Four one to one sessions, followed by six group sessions. A very useful course and one of the 'treatments' that I can actually get on with in my own time without waiting for consultants or clinics or appointments. Breaking down how your voice works and how to change it into how I want it to sound like. Giving us the building blocks on which to construct our voice and help our transition.

For me, it has, looking back, been a very positive step for me. Not just for the bare bones of what need to be done to achieve a new voice, but the love and support of a small group of people who know exactly what you're going through and who are all prepared to help each other out when we get down about our voices or are not generally confident in ourselves. It pushed me out of my comfort zone by getting me to act in front of a group of strangers. It got me thinking about how I shouldn't worry about how I'm perceived in the big wide world and it made me more confident as a person. More confident that I can achieve what I want to achieve.

Yesterday, sadly was the last group session. The last time we would all be in the same room (for the foreseeable future...……). I have to say that I was saddened by that. This small group of people who I didn't know from Eve could have such an effect on my life. I always went into each session apprehensive but always came out happy and more confident. We have all agreed to keep in touch and hopefully we will all get together periodically and maybe in smaller groups as and when we can. I hope we can. We are all on our own journeys, but ultimately have the same goal. 

Overall, my work life is more stable, my flat is becoming my home, my sanctuary and those around me are those I want around me. This year is one in which I intend to push myself out of my comfort zone even more, experience new things, people and places. Make new friends and cherish the ones I already have. Those who love me for me, the good and the bad(jokes). I know I don't speak to some of you that often, especially those who live that little bit further away. I still want you in my life and I hope you still want to be in mine. 

This crazy ride still has some way to go. Buckle up people, there's still far more to come...….....xxxx