It's that time of year when I have to change one of the numbers in my age. Yes, I am now a year older. Another year of life under my belt, another year of self discovery. Quite a rollercoaster of a year as well. Many downs and a few ups. Enough of all that though. It's time to move on and look forward to this year and all it promises.

Since Christmas, I have thought long and hard about my life and about how I feel about myself. I have had periods of self doubt in the past that I will never be able to pass or be able to be myself. However, a few things have recently fallen into place that have given me a real shot in the arm and confidence in myself and my perception to other people.

The first event was on Christmas eve. Having my hair plaited. Yes, it's now long enough to have plaits in. My friends daughter had been wanting to do it for ages and as I was staying there over Christmas, it seemed the perfect time to have it done. On Christmas day itself, the next event happened. My friends daughter had also bought me a onesie for Christmas. So, on Christmas night, she had the idea of us wearing our onesies whilst wearing facemasks. Of course, I jumped at the idea! So, there we were, Christmas night, wearing our onesies, in facemasks and plaited hair. Absolute bliss. I absolutely loved it.

For me, it was confirmation that this was how it should have been all those years ago. Instead of being forced to do the things of my assigned (at birth) gender, I was now doing something I should have been doing. I felt like a proper teenage girl. That was the best Christmas present I've had for a long time. Something so simple that has such an enormous impact.

Those little things, combined with the events from my last post and a few comments that have been made to me recently, have really changed the way I am feeling about myself. Comments like 'You have the most female mind I know' and comments on the changes to my face structure and voice have changed the way I am carrying myself and projecting myself to the world. My body changes, my reflection in the mirror - how I see myself are all coming together to make me feel better about myself. 

This has carried into my birthday week. A week of going here, there and everywhere. From a birthday meal (all cooked from scratch), to spa treatments (a yoga/Beatles inspired treatment), to birthday lunches at large department stores and onto a London stage show, via lunch with very good friends and their little one, a night at the dogs, and catching up with friends I hadn't seen for a few months, it was a whirlwind week. Thank you to everyone for a wonderful week, whether I saw you for hours or minutes, you made my week.

Believe it or not, I am shy. I'm not as bad as I used to be, but I still get anxious before I go somewhere new or meet new people. It is especially heightened because of my transition as I do have to be on my guard whenever I am out of my home, just in case someone says something or does something to me. That being said, I can't live my life behind closed doors and I have to push my boundaries by doing new things and going to new places. Either on my own or with people, I have to do it. I'm just trying to live my life. Just like everyone else. 

I'm hoping to finally get a holiday this year. It's in the planning stages at the moment, but a trip abroad is looking likely. The sunny Costa Blanca beckons towards the end of summer. Got to get my passport first though. This in itself will be another confidence boost. My first passport in my new identity. Then going abroad for the first time. I'm excited and scared at the same time. It's another event that I have to do to push my boundaries. Plenty of time to get my bikini body ready and/or put Greenpeace on standby. 

I'm not going to tempt fate by saying things are good. They are getting better. Better than they were before Christmas by a long shot. I just want things to tick over, do things at my own pace, keep under the radar for a while. The main thing is that I am more positive this year. I have to look forward. There is no going back..........xx