Doubt. Major doubt. I can't do this. It's too difficult. Why did I ever think I could? This is the first time in 18 months that I've felt this way. I'm still feeling like it now. I don't like it. I don't know what to do. I need to do something. I've waited too long to get to this point and need to get back to where I was.

It's been a difficult week so far. I've been a bad friend. I'm slipping back into bad habits and need to stop and think. I can't change what's happened, but I can learn from my mistakes. I need to find some of the ODM. The quiet and independent me. Not worrying about what other people are doing. As someone, quite rightly pointed out, people all have their own lives to lead and their own issues.

I need to deal with this on my own. Only I can. Only I will. Back to basics. I can't cause any trouble if I stay out of the way. I've got this far in life on my own so hopefully I will get through this. It's going to even harder than anything I've done before as I have so much to lose if I can't. Thee ODM self destruct button has struck again.

I don't think the lack of sleep is helping things either. Averaging about 4 hours broken sleep if I'm lucky. I'm on holiday the week after next. Time to really put any changes into action.