Just one more, I promise, then  I'll leave you all alone for a while. I wanted to put a little post outlining my feelings on my transition, my role models and what is happening in the near future.

My transition is something I waited a long time to put into motion. Lots of agonising and talking. I then had to wait a year to see a consultant and then six months to start my hormone therapy. I am now six weeks into my therapy and I am getting used to the new me, albeit slowly. I feel so much better than I did in my old, dead life. I feel different emotionally and mentally. I am starting to look different physically.

The difference in my body's chemical makeup is a weird feeling. After having certain chemicals running through my body for 30 years, you get used to them and their actions. Suddenly having that subdued and a new major chemical taking over is a complete shock to the system. Not in a bad way for me, but strange nevertheless. My thought processes are a little different and to me, my whole demeanour is better aligned with my true gender.

One thing that I am feeling is that I am becoming a little needy and I am trying too hard to be included. I don't want to be that person and I am thinking that I need to have a look at myself and how I am with my friends. It could be down to wanting to feel needed and wanting to be important and I have to remember that people do have other friends besides me. I have to find some of the quieter, can be alone person again, otherwise I may push the people I need away.

Being relatively new to all of this, I need people to look up to, people who I can learn from and people who will help me and show me where I might be going wrong. Role models. There are two people who are my main role models; people who inspire me with their life stories and experience. I look up to these people who even though they have had rough times and have their own issues now, are still able to carry on with their lives and everything life throws at them. I have so much respect for them and I have learnt so much from them. I just wish I'd known them longer than I have.

I do have other people who I will always be eternally grateful to and wouldn't be at this point now without them. They have helped me in many ways, whether it be encouragement, making me go out, feeding me, listening to me or making me drink alcohol. Lots of alcohol! They will always be dear to me and all of these people are close enough for me to call my family. In the absence of my own, immediate family, these are the people I turn to for support and guidance. I have to say that I am in contact with two of my cousins and an Auntie, so not all of my maternal family contact has been lost. This is important to me. More than they realise.

So, to the future. What's happening soon? Firstly, I have been given funding for facial hair removal. I am awaiting a letter from NHS England to tell we where I can go to have the treatment. Secondly, I will be having my three month Hormone Therapy review next month and if all goes well, they may up my oestrogen dose. Finally, I have my second 'assessment' at the Clinic. As I have my hormone therapy already, I'm interested to see what this assessment will cover. I'll have to wait and see, won't I!

Even after all the drama with the hormones, my emotions and my mental exhaustion, I am very happy with the way it is all going and hopefully it will continue in this way. Fingers crossed. xx