2017. A year of one high and many lows. A year that I would like to mostly forget. A year of broken friendships, almost drowning, work problems, inherent system issues (mainly the NHS), weight gain and a general despondent feeling. The only highlight was finally starting my hormone therapy and seeing real, physical changes in my body. 

The emotional changes have been a double edged sword. With each increase in Estrogen dosage, comes a change in my mental health, emotional outlook and emotional awareness. The major issue with it, is the fact that I am going through puberty - again. The emotional rollercoaster has been, for me, very hard to deal with and has thrown up some major issues. Some of which have pushed people away, created issues with myself and had an effect on my relationships with many people.

At the start of June, I started a major downward spiral. The eventual outcome of this was me thinking of the best way to end it all without hurting anyone else. That's is how low I had got. How I pulled myself back, I still don't know. All the weight I'd lost earlier in the year I've put back on and can't shift it - some hormone related and some comfort eating.

At this moment in time, all I want to do is keep myself to myself and hide away from the world for a while. I'm not feeling very sociable, I haven't felt very festive and I am struggling to know where to start to make changes to pull myself out of the black hole. I apologise if I haven't spoken to anyone or taken ages/not replied to messages. I'm not ignoring anyone; I'm just a bad person at this moment in  time.

Only I can get myself out of this. New year, new me and all that. Put 2017 behind me and look forward to 2018. It's going to be a busy year with appointments, more physical and mental changes and potentially more life changing milestones. Need to get my head right first.......

Happy new year to you all xx